It was late February and early March when I wrote most of this… - See the Egress — LiveJournal
I do want to encourage you to let me know about things like this more often. I could tell you were uncomfortable about something, but I didn't know what it was, and I wasn't sure what to do about it.
Hey, you know what would've sucked? If we'd had that conversation and decided that I'd be happier playing games where I didn't do as much on my own. People tend to interpret me being nervous as something that should be eliminated, which is nice and all, except that eliminating me being nervous also tends to eliminate me. It's not something I put a lot of weight on as an end in itself. I think I told you, just skimming the rules for PTA last December put butterflies in my stomach, mostly because it came across as the game of being put on the spot in uncomfortable situations. So I said, let's play PTA. I figure that if you have a physiological response to skimming a game book, then clearly you have to play it.
Anyway, I'm grateful that you've created space for me to have scenes and do things without everyone else talking over me -- that was in the entry in a paragraph that got cut at some point. I've been grateful for that even when I haven't been comfortable with it.
Also, you did keep nudging me last year that I didn't need to be worrying about a lot of the things I was worrying about. Like I said, I could tell that the point of playing this sort of game was different, that I was too hung up on historicity, etc. But knowing that didn't particularly help me figure out how to transition to something else, so it's not clear to me whether having a longer conversation about it would've helped.
That said, in everything I've been talking about in this entry, it's taken me a while to figure out what was uncomfortable, and once I did, I think I've usually said something. You know that if I express discomfort or dissatisfaction, you can ask for more information.